Look at who they really are, the people whose approval you long for, and what their minds are really like. Then you won’t blame the ones who make mistakes they can’t help, and you won’t feel a need for their approval. You will have seen the sources of both—their judgments and their actions.
Meditations 7.62
Today’s meditation
The underlying Stoic issue here is the pursuit of external validation and the tendency to blame others for their mistakes. In Meditations 7.62, Marcus Aurelius offers a profound insight into human nature, encouraging us to "Look at who they really are, the people whose approval you long for, and what their minds are really like." This reflection reveals that our desire for approval from others is often rooted in a flawed understanding of their character and judgment.
By examining the minds and actions of those we seek approval from, we may discover that their opinions are not as worthy of our concern as we thought. This realization can liberate us from the need for external validation and free us from blame towards others. As Marcus Aurelius notes, we will "see the sources of both—their judgments and their actions," and thus understand that their mistakes are often a result of their own limitations, rather than any fault of ours.
To apply this insight today, consider the people whose approval you seek, and take a moment to reflect on their character and judgment. Ask yourself: "What are their values and priorities?" and "Are their opinions truly worthy of my concern?" By doing so, you may find that your desire for external validation diminishes, and you become more focused on living in accordance with your own values and principles. As you navigate your daily interactions, remember that the opinions of others are often a reflection of their own minds, rather than a true assessment of your worth.
What is one situation today where you can practice letting go of the need for external approval, and instead, focus on living in accordance with your own values?