You are a fool to want your children, wife or friends to be immortal; it calls for powers beyond you, and gifts not yours to either own or give. It is equally naive to ask that your slave be honest; it amounts to asking that vice be not vice but something different. You can, however, avoid meeting with disappointment in your desires; focus on this, then, since it is in the scope of your capacities. [2] We are at the mercy of whoever wields authority over the things we either desire or detest. If you would be free, then, do not wish to have, or avoid, things that other people control, because then you must serve as their slave.
Enchiridion 14.1
Today’s meditation
The underlying Stoic issue here is the desire for control over things that are not within our power. As Epictetus notes, "You are a fool to want your children, wife or friends to be immortal; it calls for powers beyond you" [Enchiridion 14.1]. This reveals that desiring things that are outside of our control can lead to disappointment and frustration.
The Stoic reasoning is clear: we should focus on what is within our scope of control. As Epictetus advises, "You can, however, avoid meeting with disappointment in your desires; focus on this, then, since it is in the scope of your capacities" [Enchiridion 14.1]. This means that we should prioritize our own thoughts, actions, and character, rather than trying to control external events or other people.
To apply this insight today, consider what things you are desiring or trying to control that are outside of your power. Are you worried about the outcome of a situation, or trying to manipulate someone else's behavior? Recognize that these desires are likely to lead to disappointment and frustration. Instead, focus on what you can control, such as your own reactions, attitudes, and actions. Ask yourself: what can I do today to cultivate my own character and virtue, regardless of external circumstances?
As Epictetus warns, "If you would be free, then, do not wish to have, or avoid, things that other people control, because then you must serve as their slave" [Enchiridion 14.1]. This is a powerful reminder that our freedom and autonomy depend on our ability to focus on what is within our control. By letting go of desires for things that are outside of our power, we can gain a sense of freedom and peace. What is one thing you can let go of today, in order to focus on what is truly within your control?