So choose: either regain the love of your old friends by reverting to your former self or remain better than you once were and forfeit their affection. [4] And if you choose the latter, stick to it from here on out. Don’t give in to second thoughts, because no one who wavers will make progress. And if you are committed to making progress and ready to devote yourself to the effort, then give up everything else. [5] Otherwise your ambivalence will only ensure that you don’t make progress, and you won’t even get to revisit the pleasures of the past.
Discourses 4.2.3
Today’s meditation
The underlying Stoic issue here is the choice between personal growth and external validation. As Epictetus says, "either regain the love of your old friends by reverting to your former self or remain better than you once were and forfeit their affection" ([Discourses 4.2.3]). This reveals that living well often requires making difficult choices between our own improvement and the approval of others.
The Stoic reasoning is clear: to make progress, one must be committed and not waver. Epictetus warns that "no one who wavers will make progress" ([Discourses 4.2.3]). This means that ambivalence and indecision can hinder our growth and prevent us from achieving our goals.
To apply this insight today, consider where you may be wavering between personal growth and external validation. Are there areas in your life where you're trying to please others at the expense of your own improvement? Perhaps you're struggling to adopt new habits or pursue new goals because you're afraid of what others might think.
As Epictetus advises, "if you are committed to making progress and ready to devote yourself to the effort, then give up everything else" ([Discourses 4.2.3]). This means being willing to let go of things that hold you back, whether it's a toxic relationship, a bad habit, or a fear of what others might think. By committing to your own growth and progress, you can make meaningful changes in your life and live more in accordance with your values.
What is one thing you can give up today to make progress towards your goals and values?